Watching paint dry....

Watching paint dry....

And I don’t mean in the artistic sense.

It is very difficult watching your parents age. Their memory isn’t as sharp as it used to be. They are no longer able to do the things the once did with ease. Physical changes in the body can be devastating (especially if there is a disease involved).  

Being the child watching is traumatic enough, but I wonder how it feels to actually live through those changes. Is it like going back in time to a point when you need help for everything?

As my father continues to survive cancer, his short term memory gets worse from the chemo. His body is so frail. He sleeps most of the day. These winter months are just debilitating. 

I am just thankful I am able to have him in my life right now and that I can be here to help as much as I can.

Brief Update.

Hello,

I posted this to my Tumblr too....just fyi:

So,  it has been a week since my Mom's knee replacement surgery. She is healing well but being impossible. She doesn't like the pain and discomfort even with the pain meds, but she also doesn't like how the pain meds make her groggy and sleepy. Thus she is being difficult about taking her pain meds. Thank Goddess my sister is here to help out.

My sis stayed with my mom while she was in the hospital while I took care of Dad at home. Now we are all in the house and it is exhausting between dealing with my Mom and Dad. But we are holding it down, keeping it going. The stress is physically painful for me but I am managing..

I haven't had much time to myself to think about things or create work. 

Last night, we had Chinese takeout. My fortunate cookie read Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.  What the hell kinda of fortune is that. 

I need to take three Aleve a day, at once to get any pain relief.

Feeling a little blue...

Hello,

I know I wait so long to post again.
Not that my life is so interesting, sometimes I just don't know what to say.

It is a New Year, which means it is time for a fresh perspective.
I work very hard to stay positive. Keeping my chin up when I want to crawl into a hole
and die.

I want my free spirit back.
I want to be in that happy place where I felt good about things.
I'm tired of always thinking about despair.

Let me be surrounded by beautiful people and beautiful things,
warm hearts and kind words.

I will repair my damaged wings and take flight and soar above it all.

This is my body.

The container for my soul.

It carries my heart,

It carries my spirit.

It is solid but easily broken.

I have lived in this place for many years,

I hope to live in here for many more.

We have been through a lot together,

and I cherish and relish this earthly vessel.

It has served me well,

we will survive.

My body is beautiful,

it is mine.

It is fine.

xoxo,

~K

Happy New Year

Well, Hello!!!
Happy New Year!
Happy 2013!!

Time to embark on a new adventure, head down a new path.
But what do you do when a familiar face or two keep peeking from around the trees,
whispering to you through the reeds?
You know the voice all too well.
There is a hint of temptation, contemplation.

This is the year to make it so.
To ascend and go higher than ever before.
Grab your magic camper and get ready for the ride.

Be bold.
Be alive!

xoxo,
~K

Radical Self-Love

Hello Again!
Thanks for sticking with me.

Lately, I've always thought that I had a stone cold heart.
I tried to go it alone; be that loner soul. Above the fray of need.

But, tonight, I realized that I don't have a cold heart.
I am full of love. I wear my heart on the outside.
I am very sensitive. I need to be loved and to give love.

So, I am posting this pic in honor of myself.
I need to love myself more and see me for the wonderfully person I am.

with love,

xoxo

It has been so long....

Hi.
I should keep in touch better. Sometimes, I don't know what to say....
These past couple of months have been uneventful.
Perhaps stuck in a rut, maybe a little depressed.

Somedays, the colors of life don't seem so vibrant.
The same thing day in and day out.
I could use a pleasant adventure, something fun and beautiful.
An adventure full of good feelings and making the world brighter.

Somedays, I wish  could fall down a rabbit hole and be a whole new world.
Or maybe a magic doorway to a fantasyland.
Escape. Joyful escape.

I want to keep in touch more.
I vow to do my best to write more. I have lots to share....

XOXO,
K

Joyful Noise

A babbling brook,
Your favorite song,
Birds in the morning,
Crickets at night.
The voice of your sweetheart,

The beat of your heart.

Cleavage...with a heart

Hello, Hello!

I haven't posted in a while.

I hope you can forgive me.

Aaahhh...the summer is coming to an end.

It was uneventful.

Perhaps I should have one last hoorah!

Am I looking for love? Not sure anymore....

Most people can't get past my bust size.

I am more than just a massive pair of knockers....

but they are pretty great:

xoxo

My burning heart...

My burning heart smolders.
The heat radiates through my body.
The light pulses like a disco strobe.

My passion dances to the beat of an unknown drum.
My lust, my love twirls around.

Heady and sugary scents fill the room.
Intoxicating.

Sex is not a performance....

I found this on tumblr. I'm not sure where the original is from, but I thought it was beautiful and wanted to share it here.

"Sex is not a goddamn performance.

Sex should feel as natural as drinking water.

It should not require confidence.

Sex should happen, because the moment is ripe.

Ripening lips, ripening labia, ripening cock, ripening pupils, ripening state of being. Ripe and augmented and brimming. Your energy goes to your pumping heart, then to every external nerve, then to theirs, on fire.

You bask, roll, play in it. You sigh, moan, laugh.

It’s not about being “good in bed.”

It’s about being happy.

One should never worry if they’re doing it “correctly.” Sex is not factual. I don’t want your cookie-cutter sex, I don’t want your meticulously crafted, calculated, fool-proof fuck. I don’t want a show. I want you. Let your instincts, urges and whims define that. It’s enough.

What do most girls like? Forget about it. Statistics are meaningless when there’s only one. Hello, here’s me. Here’s you.

Don’t worry about taking it too slow. We got time. We got infinite rhythms, combinations, possibilities. Explore each fuck. Take our time. We can do a different one later.

Don’t worry about making me come. I’m here. Right where I want to be.

I am overwhelmed by wanting; you don’t have to convince me. I want you because I like you. So don’t put on a front. Don’t taint this.

I’m frustrated—it’s just authenticity I want.

It’s originality.

It’s passion.

It’s joy.

Don’t say that something I like is ugly. Don’t compare yourself to the rest. You will live and die with and within your experiences like everyone else. If someone thinks you are amazing, they are not wrong. Their universe is as real as any other; it is forged through perception.

I don’t care if you accidentally slammed my head into the wall, if you slipped out, if my arm cracked, if the delightful pressure of your wet lips on my anything made a silly sound. There is no right way and no wrong way.

“Good in bed,” what.

You’re good in my bed. I’m pleased you’re there. I feel it suits you.

Shove your technique. Let your memory swallow it. Fuck me like you’d fuck me, fuck me like you feel.

This isn’t a test.

"


(source: nickolaiolivier )

Re-Evaluate

I've been away.
Spending time outdoors, spending time with  my family.
I don't really know who I am anymore.
I don't know where I fit in, what I am doing...

I don't feel any joy in life or living.
I have a fire that is just a flick of flame; I can't feel any heat or passion.

I need to have that pulse of life again