Feeling a little blue...

Hello,

I know I wait so long to post again.
Not that my life is so interesting, sometimes I just don't know what to say.

It is a New Year, which means it is time for a fresh perspective.
I work very hard to stay positive. Keeping my chin up when I want to crawl into a hole
and die.

I want my free spirit back.
I want to be in that happy place where I felt good about things.
I'm tired of always thinking about despair.

Let me be surrounded by beautiful people and beautiful things,
warm hearts and kind words.

I will repair my damaged wings and take flight and soar above it all.

This is my body.

The container for my soul.

It carries my heart,

It carries my spirit.

It is solid but easily broken.

I have lived in this place for many years,

I hope to live in here for many more.

We have been through a lot together,

and I cherish and relish this earthly vessel.

It has served me well,

we will survive.

My body is beautiful,

it is mine.

It is fine.

xoxo,

~K

I wish I had wings...

Hello Friends,

Today was going really great and then.....
Later in the week, I'm attending a Christmas party. This party is being thrown by a family member's place of work.
Naturally, I start to try and figure out what to wear.

and then I remember I am probably too big for most of the outfits I think would be cute.
My breast are on the verge of being out of control big; my hips and thighs pulled  sneak attack...let us not even discuss my "Buddha" belly.

I hate how my body is changing in ways I can't control.
I hate this world and it takes pleasure in making me feel like shit for how body naturally is.
I hate that I have outfits I wanted and now can't because my hormones refuse to cooperate.
Hell, I hate that I am not in my 20s anymore. I hate how I didn't realize how beautiful I was in my 20s.

I feel so unworthy of anything: of love, of life, of peace, of happiness.

Gosh...
today was going so well...and then..

I should get to bed but I'm too upset to relax and sleep.

xoxo,
K

Radical Self-Love

Hello Again!
Thanks for sticking with me.

Lately, I've always thought that I had a stone cold heart.
I tried to go it alone; be that loner soul. Above the fray of need.

But, tonight, I realized that I don't have a cold heart.
I am full of love. I wear my heart on the outside.
I am very sensitive. I need to be loved and to give love.

So, I am posting this pic in honor of myself.
I need to love myself more and see me for the wonderfully person I am.

with love,

xoxo

Remarkably Unremarkable...

Hello Friends,

How have you been? Has life been treating you kindly? Are you kind to yourself?...
My life has been up and down. I have been up and down (and not in the good way).

For the past few weeks, I've been struggling to be heard.

I've been feeling invisible; invisible and vulnerable.

Making a living as professional Artist is very difficult but the

rewards can be great. Sometimes, I just want to give up.

I do believe I can live this dream. My dream can be my reality.

Re-Evaluate

I've been away.
Spending time outdoors, spending time with  my family.
I don't really know who I am anymore.
I don't know where I fit in, what I am doing...

I don't feel any joy in life or living.
I have a fire that is just a flick of flame; I can't feel any heat or passion.

I need to have that pulse of life again