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Deep Winter Blues....

Hello,

This is that turning point in the winter months when the darkness seems to stay too long and the funks hang around too much. Today, was the first time I actually felt the sun on my face; just enjoying the feeling of having the heat touch my skin.  I closed my eyes and faced the sun and it felt brand new.

I have bags.
I have baggage.
I often go through my bags.
They are full of items from my past.
 I touch those items to feel the memory of that time or place.

I'm very much ready for winter to be over. I"m just over it. The cold is too much for me. I'm tired of my joints hurting, my back hurting, feeling like the heat is being sucked from my body.

I watched a very interesting movie last night called the Gates of Hell. It won an Oscar for best foreign film back in the 50's. If you get chance, you should watch it.

xoxo,
~K

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired

My household has it.  My father is still struggles with aging and having Cancer and all that comes with it. My mother is healing from surgery and is not feeling much like herself. I, honestly, feel like I am stuck in rut helping to care for both of my parents and the house. Just run down...

I'm not painting or writing as much I as should/need to be...no social life. My mental and physical health are suffering as a result. I've been trying to re think what I do in my art and how I express myself. Of course, it doesn't help that I have aggravated an injury in my right hand. I haven't had hand cramps this bad since my art school days. The injury is such that I have a hard time gripping things/ holding onto things. Very annoying.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

This is the year I learn to blog better. To keep a better journal of me.

This morning I tried oil pulling for the third time. I think I did it for long enough. We will see if I start to feel better or how my health changes as I continue on. I’ve been taking multivitamins too. Trying to keep my hair and skin hydrated in the cold weather has been a challenge but I’m doing it.

I got a new phone on my Mom’s family plan. It is the Nokia Lumia (not the newest one). We upgraded her phone too. She said she wanted to hip and more with it. She held onto her Motorola Razr for longtime. 

My mother is healing well. The doctor said she should be ready for work by Feb. 1st. My Dad seems more depressed. It could be weather related. He likes to be outside, but it is far too cold for him to be outdoors for too long. We do our best to keep his spirits up.

In my dreams, recently, I’ve been doing a lot painting and animating. Perhaps my subconscious is telling me I need to do more projects, or commit myself to more projects. 

I need to post more pictures and maybe a video or two.

---------------

 If I don’t get more info regarding my medical insurance this week, I’ll have to call someone…

If the hold on my bank account isn’t lifted soon, I’m going to have to call. Have an idea as to why things are moving so slow and I’m like, “REALLY?!” This is year is starting out ridiculously. My life is so farcical sometimes. 

I had a killer migraine earlier. I could bare see straight and wanted to go right to bed. I took two tylenol and the pain went away, but I still felt gross.

I have chronic illnesses, but I normally don’t just get “sick” and I certainly never look sick. So, when I am sick people think I’m being melodramatic and stuff. Luckily, my family knows better. Then kinda freak out whenever I complain about headpain or any type of aches.

So, tonight I can’t really sleep simply because I have too much on my mind. Things are not clear.

----------------

I try not to expose myself to things/situations that don’t help me grow as an artist or a person. But I do have a few TV guilty pleasures. Shahs of Sunset is one of them.  I don’t know where Bravo finds the folks for any of their shows, but this bunch of people are some of the most extreme. I love learning about the people and how they go on about their lives.

Asa is probably my favorite. Her mystical/magical self is great. Also like Reza and his moustache. Anyway, Asa has her diamond water and her visual art and her music and has been dating a Jackson. Super stuff.

After last night episode, I am seriously wondering what is that Mike thinks Reza did that stabbed him in the back. I don’t mean the whole attacking Sasha thing. Mike was awesome for standing up for/with Sasha when Reza just lost his shit. Yeah, I want more info about why Mike is so angry at Reza.

Watching paint dry....

Watching paint dry....

And I don’t mean in the artistic sense.

It is very difficult watching your parents age. Their memory isn’t as sharp as it used to be. They are no longer able to do the things the once did with ease. Physical changes in the body can be devastating (especially if there is a disease involved).  

Being the child watching is traumatic enough, but I wonder how it feels to actually live through those changes. Is it like going back in time to a point when you need help for everything?

As my father continues to survive cancer, his short term memory gets worse from the chemo. His body is so frail. He sleeps most of the day. These winter months are just debilitating. 

I am just thankful I am able to have him in my life right now and that I can be here to help as much as I can.

Can I catch a break...seriously...

Hello,

Some of this post, I posted from my Art blog...

Art is life. Art is boom. Live the Art.

These are all things Artists (successful Artists) say to those of us struggling in the muck of our creative juices and impulses. “If you aren’t living and breathing your art, then you are not a true Artists.” Unfortunately, in this economy, it is hard to “live and breathe”‘  that Art when you have bills to pay and be accountable too.  You don’t want to just do things for the money, but society is truly set up  to kill the creative spirit. That is how I’ve been feeling lately.

I don’t know if  I mentioned this before, but my mom had surgery recently. She is recovering..luckily my sister was able to take some time off to help. But for the past week, it has been me with both parents and it can get very frustrating and stressful. Considering my own back and stress issues….yeah.   Finding the energy and will to complete projects is difficult. Finding the time to really flesh all I want to flesh out is just vexing.

I've been really stressing out since my bank has frozen my account over an overdue bill. I really have no way of paying that much right now and I just need a break either some more people donating to my gofundme page or buying my jewelry and paintings. I know that everyone is hurting all over the world, but this is really disastrous for me.  My family can only support me so much and as long as I don't have the funds for this one larger bill, my smaller bills I can keep up with are falling behind. This is not a good look. So if anyone sees this and can help out, I'd really appreciate it.

xoxo

Brief Update.

Hello,

I posted this to my Tumblr too....just fyi:

So,  it has been a week since my Mom's knee replacement surgery. She is healing well but being impossible. She doesn't like the pain and discomfort even with the pain meds, but she also doesn't like how the pain meds make her groggy and sleepy. Thus she is being difficult about taking her pain meds. Thank Goddess my sister is here to help out.

My sis stayed with my mom while she was in the hospital while I took care of Dad at home. Now we are all in the house and it is exhausting between dealing with my Mom and Dad. But we are holding it down, keeping it going. The stress is physically painful for me but I am managing..

I haven't had much time to myself to think about things or create work. 

Last night, we had Chinese takeout. My fortunate cookie read Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.  What the hell kinda of fortune is that. 

I need to take three Aleve a day, at once to get any pain relief.

The Rain is Staying...

Well, fall is making it's presences known.
It has been very cool and damp for many days.
I've been taking it easy, trying not to stress to much about life.

This is my dog, Peppi.

We got him at the animal shelter and he is the best furbaby! I truly love him to pieces.
He is so full of life and personality. Anyways, with this chilly weather he has to wear sweaters and such and he is quite cute.

I've been painting sunny landscapes of late. Here are two of those:

I have a thing for green fields, hills, and mountains. I like playing with a sense of movement and journey...or something like that.

My feet are the root, they keep me grounded. They move me. 

~K