Could use a stiff drink

Hello,

Today was not a great day. In fact, the my days seem to get worse with a cooling weather. I was very sluggish and lethargic. I don't feel very much like myself as well as not liking myself.

I've been angry a lot recently. It is because of my unspeakable secret. It just looms over me. I'm  in so deep, but I just need a lucky break....

I got a letter from on of my creditors. The one I owe the most too (and it is biggie!)
They want to garnish my non existent wages. They claim to have contacted my employer and know that I am gainfully employed. I'd like to know who this employer is....
This letter was in all caps too. Like, really...trust if I had a nice paying job, that bill would have been taken care of. All my creditors seem to think I'm some old white dude hiding funds in the Cayman's or something. I wish! Nope, I am very much broke and I hate having to think about that. Thank goodness I have a supportive family who won't let me suffer in the cold.

They believe in me, so  suppose, I should believe in me too...but it is hard in this society.   fear another creditor may try to take my old ass car. Like, that is gonna help my situation.
I've always had an issue with finance, when I was going into college I wasn't as savvy as some folks and now my life is a mess.

My mother wanted to know if I was taking anything for my thyroid condition (the fact that it was irradiated many moons ago). I told her I am taking a supplement, but without insurance, I am not taking an "medication" for it. Sucks to be me. She commented that I seem so angry. I'm angry because I am anxiously awaiting the other shit storm/shoe to drop regarding my lack of money. I pray on it everyday, for some sort of relief...but time is running short. No options are left, really...

I am hoping for ACA to become available in October so I can at least get some health care. I can't remember the last time I saw a doctor. I probably dying of some disease and don't know it.

So, yeah..my life is sucking. I have a hard time creating.
I'm always angry and sad.....
and I could use a stiff drink.

~K

Motorcycle Stunt Fun!

Hello,

I often have wild, crazy dreams.
Last night was no exception.
In my dream, a friend had talked into doing a motorcycle stunt for a rave she was hosting in a warehouse. The warehouse was like a Lowes/Home Depot and was full of empty shelving. Anyways, so the motorcycle stunt was to have my ride the motorcycle, jump off of it, and through a the hoop of a child's basketball net.  For some reason, I agree to this stunt. Now, I tell my friend I have never driven/riden a motorcycle before, she tells me not to worry about it and that i'll "figure it out."

On the night of the party, we go to set up the stunt and I find out that I am now the opening act, instead the mid party entertainment. This means I perform first. I was frustrated because that meant I wouldn't be as prepared as I would like to have been. So I put on my costume which is a neon green tight tank top, black pants, and neon green stiletto heels. The costume is to match my motorcycle. And for some reason, in my dream I have all this long, flowing hair and I'm trying to style it in a ponytail high on my head (my sister is there to help). I put on my mascara and I start to mentally plan the stunt.

I'm walking the "route" and  notice that the shelves are blocking a direct route to the kiddie hoop. But the party is starting soon and I have to get on the bike and ready myself.

So, the host of this party starts to introduce me and my stunt and I'm revving the motorcycle. Someone behind me hands me a helmet. I remember thinking, "thank god! I almost did this thing without a helmet!" So, I put on the helmet and the host is making a face at me to just go already. I pull off and almost fall off the bike, but I recover and I speed done the aisle, and somehow manage to jump off the bike and through the hoop.

People are cheering and clapping. I don't land on my feet and I have cracked a toenail and it is bleeding, but I am happy I am alive. I don't know how I did it.

The party starts and music is pumping and I'm mingling with the crowd (heading toward my special VIP section) when this tall tattooed, pierced white guy comes up to me and says,"That was awesome! Maybe we can hangout later and you can play with my guts!" I tell him that is gross and that we can hang out but I don't play with guts. Then I continue toward my VIP section picking several folks to come hang with me during the party.

Then I wake up.
Crazy dream, right?!

Harvest Moon, September, Time for a Change

I have one too many blogs.

I still like this blog and I want to do something interesting with it.
So, I've decided I'm going to be making some changes in my life and I will chronicle them here.

I will post about my feelings, my body, my soul, my life.
The good, the bad, the ugly. Why?...why not!?

Seriously, I made this decision because I have a lot to tell about my life and maybe some one will find my blog interesting and comforting and funny and sad. It is real, it is life. You don't find too many older bloggers that just blog about what it is like being a person approaching midlife and still not feeling settled. Or how to live with and deal with aging parents, and chronic illness...

About me, I am a black woman.
I am a daughter.
I am an Artist.
I am a Storyteller.

Glad to share myself with you.