Yup, 10 days until I move to the other side of world.
I am excited.
I wish packing would go faster and better.
I had to clean out my porn and toys. Most were useless anyway. I mean, if it had any seepage of whatever of the fuck it was made out of or if I had them for longtime (mind you, I go a longtime with out using sex toys.) I kept my two eggs, the glass dildo, and the S&M items. I will have those things shipped to me in June or August. I also have my little outfits.
What, you ask, will I do with all these things...perhaps take some photos for this blog...you know I am going to be bored at night.
The other night I had a dream. I dreamt I was the assistant to a woman who specialized in female orgasms and sexuality and sexual freedom. She seemed like a cross between Violet Blue and Eve Ensler in both appearance and demeanor. I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something: I am not "loving" me enough. And it is true. I am very down on my body and appearance. Not that I am doing anything to change that. The part of me that doesn't care what other people think of me is still pretty strong. It just gets tiring hearing over and over again that you are not pretty, sexy, desirable, wanted, loved, smart, or adored because of your weight or race. Yes, I said race. I am tired of being a sub-genre or fetish. The part of me that doesn't care what other people think believes that if you have to love me for who I was yesterday, who I am today, and who I will be tomorrow. I don't know...I feel a little trapped right now. As I have been telling myself the past couple of days, I think I have lost myself.
